Use the following structure:

Pace

Meet the reader’s expectations by using a standard format for business letters. The first sentence should help the reader identify the purpose of the letter by answering your reader’s most important question, stating the good news, or providing the most important piece of information.

• The most important difference between Model A and Model B is. . . .

• Here is the application for admission you requested.
• You will receive the XYZ you ordered within the next two weeks. As you requested, we shipped it by UPS.

Note:   When you need to apologize—when the reader expects an apology—doing so first will help establish rapport. Treat apologies as though they were positive messages, and, when possible, focus on correcting the problem rather than on the apology itself. When your mistake has cost the reader time or money or has created an inconvenience, begin with the apology, and then correct the problem. When you cannot correct the problem, apologize and move on to something more positive.

• I’m sorry you received an incorrect order, Ms. Jones. I’ve sent the size 12 blue suede jacket you actually ordered by UPS. I’ve also sent a prepaid shipping voucher for your convenience in returning the original shipment.

• Thank you for letting me know that one of our sales clerks was rude to you. On behalf of XYZ’s, I apologize for your inconvenience and embarrassment.

Lead

Provide the necessary explanatory information. State how the reader can benefit from the product, service, or information you are providing. Include natural transition from your opening statement to the additional information you will provide as you blend your outcomes with those of the reader.

• For the small difference in cost, Model B offers a number of additional features. . . .

• We’re glad to cover repairs and your shipping costs under the provisions of the warranty. . . .

• To be eligible for financial aid, complete the enclosed form entitled “Application for Financial Aid,” and return it with your completed application for admission.

Blend Outcomes

When possible, be specific about the ways in which you can meet the reader’s needs. When that’s not possible, either because you are unwilling or unable to provide everything your reader has requested, emphasize what you can do. When you are responding to a request for information, make sure that you have answered all of the reader’s questions. Also, anticipate questions that your reader should have asked but didn’t, and provide answers to those as well.  

• Model B includes a CD-ROM drive.

• Yes, we can comfortably accommodate 750 for dinner on the 15th. The enclosed menus show you the range of choices available through our Executive Banquet Service.

• The XYZ will fit comfortably within the 25 square feet you have available for it.

Motivate

In business situations, readers always need to know who is responsible for doing what next. If you are going to do something, say so explicitly. If the reader is responsible for the next step, be explicit about that. When no specific future action is required, use the closing to build goodwill and promote the future of the relationship.

• Use the enclosed coupon to receive a 10 percent discount on any ABC product.

• As soon as you confirm the accommodations you desire, I will make all the necessary reservations for you.

• I will bring a sample XYZ to your office in New York for our meeting at 9:00A on Tuesday the 15th.

Note:   Because passive voice is less explicit than active voice, use it only when the reader will consider the required action unpleasant or a reminder of a mistake he or she has made. In such cases, passive voice helps soften the unpleasantness associated with the action or the mistake.

Not this: When the accommodations you desire have been confirmed, the necessary reservations will be made for you. [Who confirms? Who will make the reservations? Neither of these is negative, so active voice would be better.]

Not this: The enclosed coupon can be used for a discount on any ABC product. [Who will use the coupon? Active voice would be better: Use the enclosed coupon....]

Say this: As soon as the enclosed financial disclosure form is completed and returned, we can begin the process of evaluating your eligibility for the scholarship. [The reader needs to do an unpleasant task, so the passive voice is appropriate.]

Say this: When the XYZ has been reconnected to your computer as shown in the enclosed diagram, call me at 800/555-5555 for assistance with the software installation. [The passive voice helps avoid accusing the reader of having made a mistake.]

Now that so many businesses are online with email address and Web pages, most people have an increased expectation for prompt responses. In general, email orders and inquiries should be acknowledged within 24 hours, and those that arrive by letter should be acknowledged within 48 hours. Respond to email orders and inquiries with an email message, and send a letter or postcard to acknowledge those received by mail.

Acknowledging Orders

People expect prompt, courteous replies to their requests for goods and services, and by fulfilling that expectation you can increase the positive feelings your readers have for you and your company. Acknowledgments of orders are directed toward either dealers or consumers, and—as is true for all business messages—the writer needs to adapt the message to the particular needs of the audience.

The writer also needs to consider the cost of the acknowledgments relative to the goods or services ordered. It makes no sense, for example, to send a $9 personal letter in response to a $2 order. On the other hand, the customer who places a $2,000 order deserves a well-written, personal reply, even if the bulk of the letter consists of boilerplate, standard paragraphs used to acknowledge orders of specific types. Most orders should be acknowledged with a carefully prepared form message that

1. Accompanies the shipment or lets the reader know that the correct merchandise is on its way by specifying the items to be shipped and the method of shipment.

2. Expresses appreciation for the reader’s business.

3. Suggests appropriate possibilities for future business transactions.

Resale material, which stresses the benefits of goods or services already purchased, will help convince the reader that he or she has made the correct decision. New sales material, which encourages the reader to purchase additional goods or services from you, helps reinforce the idea that the business relationship will continue in the future, which is a way of futurepacing additional purchases.

Sample Letter 8 and Sample Letter 9 illustrate the main characteristics of acknowledgments based on printed forms and those written as individual replies.

Acknowledging Requests

Positive acknowledgments of requests fall into three general categories:

• Those that give you the opportunity to sell your goods or services to your reader.

• Those that emphasize positive information but may include some sales material.

• Those that should include no sales material.

The two objectives call for different treatment. A message concentrating on supplying the information, even though further sales opportunities may also be mentioned, is a direct message because the information will pace the reader’s expectation. A message concentrating on selling a product or service, however, needs to pace the reader appropriately before introducing sales material to avoid the loss of rapport. Replies that emphasize sales are persuasive messages.

When you have determined that the communication context does not offer you the opportunity to include sales material, you should still use your acknowledgement of your reader’s request to build goodwill. When you can provide what the reader has requested, you should say so in the opening sentence. A positive answer to a reader’s question will pace the reader’s expectation and place the message in the appropriate communication context. Avoid thanking the reader for having written or saying that you have received the request:

Not this: We have received your request for a copy of our manual, “How to Assert Yourself on the Job Without Being Fired.” [It’s obvious that you received the request, or you would not be writing.]

Say this: Here is your copy of “How to Assert Yourself on the Job Without Being Fired.” [The opening paces the reader by providing what he or she requested.]

Not this: Thank you for asking me to speak at the monthly meeting of the Williamsburg Chapter of the American Society for Training and Development in April. [This opening delays the positive reply, causing the reader to wonder what the answer will be.]

Say this: I’ll be glad to speak at the April meeting of the Williamsburg Chapter of the American Society for Training and Development. Thank you for asking me. [This opening lets the reader know right away that the answer is yes.]

Be sure to answer all of your reader’s questions, including those questions asked explicitly, those implied, and those that should have been asked but were not. Be specific in supplying information, and interpret any facts and figures that may not be absolutely clear to your reader. When you aren’t sure whether the reader will be familiar with your terminology, subordinate the term in question to something the reader won’t already know.

Not this: The subwoofer needs to be placed between the two front speakers. [Emphasizes something that may be obvious to the reader.]

Say this: Placing the subwoofer between the two front speakers will greatly enhance your home theater's sense of realism. [Subordinates the placement of the subwoofer to the associated benefit.]

Should some of your information be negative, de-emphasize it by placing it in the middle of the letter or memo. Your closing should motivate by being positive and forward-looking. Avoid clichés and negative statements that presuppose a lack of confidence:

Not this: If I can be of further service, do not hesitate to contact me.
Not this: Feel free to call on me again.
Not this: I hope this letter answers your questions.

Say this: Let me know when I can help again.
Say this: I’m glad to have been of help.

Because the closing lines of the message receive so much reader attention, it is especially important for you to make those lines work for you. Readers tend to ignore clichés, and statements lacking confidence undermine the objectives you are trying to achieve.
 

Simple Replies: Most acknowledgments without sales opportunities are fairly straightforward: You simply agree to do or provide what your reader has requested, as Sample 10 illustrates.

Positive Replies to Claims: Positive replies to requests for adjustments or refunds and to requests for credit require more thoughtful treatment than positive acknowledgements because the reader’s ego is more involved in the situation. When the reader has requested an adjustment or credit, she or he has a strong interest in the action you decide to take. Even though your positive reply to the request will help establish rapport, you will have other issues to consider.

In the case of claims, in addition to using the positive reply to establish rapport, the writer needs to repair the relationship—to restore the reader’s confidence in the writer’s company, product, or service. Positive replies to claims need to contain resale on the product or service already sold and appropriate new sales material to demonstrate confidence in the future of the business relationship.

How much new sales material you should include will depend on the circumstances. When the problem has been significant, costing the reader either time or money for which you cannot fully compensate, concentrate on resale. In such situations, the reader is primarily concerned with the fair and complete resolution of his or her current situation and would find too much sales material offensive. Sample 11 illustrates the basic pattern for a positive acknowledgment of a request for adjustment.

Replies about People: Acknowledgments of requests for information about people are usually a matter of completing the forms supplied by the company making the request. Occasionally, however, you will need to write a letter—either because the requestor did not supply a form or because the circumstances are sufficiently unusual to make a standard form inadequate.

Replies to requests for information about people are frequently called letters of recommendation because they are often used to recommend someone for a scholarship, admission to graduate school, or a job. A more accurate term, however, is letter of reference, because the writer may choose not to recommend but simply reference his or her experience with the individual being asked about.

When you can recommend the person in question, your recommendation should be stated immediately. When you cannot provide an unqualified recommendation, the negative material preventing the recommendation, like all negative material, should be placed in the middle of the letter and stated in as positive way as possible. Honesty dictates, however, that negative information that would influence the reader’s decision be presented clearly. Letters of reference reflect on the writer and his or her judgments as much as they do on the person being written about.

Replies to requests about people should state whether the information is confidential, whether it was requested, and how you know what you are reporting (direct experience or observation, what others have told you, etc.). See Sample 12 for an illustration of a letter of reference.

Replies about Credit: Another kind of acknowledgment is a reply to a request for credit. When you decide to extend credit, it will be because your reader’s character, ability to pay, and business conditions all indicate his or her willingness and ability to handle credit transactions honestly and well. Your reply extending credit should acknowledge the reader’s having earned the right to do business by credit. Note that credit is earned and not granted or approved. Both granted and approved presuppose a condescension, a relationship in which the writer is superior to the reader.

Not this: We are granting you credit in the amount of . . .
Not this: We have approved your request for credit.

Say this: Your excellent credit history qualifies you for . . .
Say this: Congratulations. Because of your excellent credit history, you have earned the right to carry a Gold Card from XYZ Inc.

When the credit approval is accompanied by the shipment of goods, begin the letter by saying that you have sent the merchandise. Sending the merchandise implies the extension of credit, and except for the credit information, letters of this type are similar to those acknowledging orders.

When writing to consumers, be sure to clarify your credit terms and the procedures for paying. When you are writing to dealers, adapt your language to avoid an explicit explanation of terms most dealers would know. Subordinate the terms themselves to the specific benefits associated with them.

To a Consumer: Your new Gold Card allows you to purchase up to $25,000 worth of goods and services in any monthly billing period. You will receive your statement for the previous month’s charges between the 2d and the 5th of the month, and a minimum payment will be due by the 20th, or you may pay the full amount without penalty.

To a Dealer: With our usual credit terms of 3/10, n/60, you can save $680 on this order alone by paying the discount price by the date specified on the enclosed invoice. Or, if you prefer to delay payment, the full amount is due 60 days after the date on the invoice.

Because many announcements imply an invitation, they are written in much the same way as invitations. The principal differences are that invitations are more exclusive (usually going to fewer people at a time) and have the promise of greater benefit for the reader. Announcements are less special and need to be more persuasive. Because announcements typically go to groups of people at a time, they are typically printed and use various persuasive strategies to catch attention. Sample 13 illustrates an announcement.

1. Messages of congratulation. Significant accomplishments, such as promotions, retirements, election to an office, winning a competition, or marriage, deserve special messages of recognition and praise. When your customers, clients, or associates achieve important milestones, they will appreciate and remember messages congratulating them. The routine sending of birthday cards, however, may convey only that you keep a record of birthdays. Unless you can say something personal and mean it, you will be better off skipping the birthday cards.

2. Messages of appreciation. Whenever someone does you a favor, you owe that person a word of thanks. When the favor is large enough, the person deserves a letter. Many businesses send routine thank-you messages to customers for prompt payment, patronage, or recommendations to others. Such messages reinforce the person’s desire to do favors for you in the future.

3. Messages conveying season’s greetings. Special business relationships merit an exchange of greetings at appropriate times of the year. Most businesses limit season’s greetings to specially prepared cards. Note: Be aware of cultural differences in the celebration of religious and national holidays. Not all your customers, clients, or associates, for example, may celebrate Christmas, and some may be offended if you automatically assume that they do.

4. Messages of welcome. Businesses use messages of welcome to make new customers, prospective customers, and new employees feel at home. Messages of welcome should emphasize useful information and a willingness to help the newcomer.

5. Get well messages and messages of sympathy. Messages extending condolences are difficult to write, but your business friends will appreciate your having cared enough to express your sympathetic feelings. Even though the subject is melancholy and seems negative, your reader will, of course, already know of the misfortune, so your opening should acknowledge the unhappy event. Be careful to match your language to the situation. Greatly distressed, for example, is more appropriate for a death than a broken leg.

Except for season’s greetings, each of these messages requires specific personal details to be convincing. Messages of congratulation and appreciation should focus on the reader’s accomplishments and efforts, and messages of sympathy should mention the deceased person’s fine qualities if known or focus on your recognition of the reader’s loss.

Not this: I’m sorry that you were inconvenienced by having to return your Astrosonic clock radio for repairs.

Say this: You’ll receive your fully repaired Astrosonic clock radio in just a few days. I’ve sent it by UPS.

Apologies are required when you, your company, or a company representative has made a mistake that cannot be corrected. Having caused a minor inconvenience is not in itself a reason to apologize. People in business and the general public expect things to go wrong once in a while: Nothing—and no one—is perfect. Faulty products and mistakes are bound to occur, and prompt correction is more important than apologizing. Apologies are required in the following circumstances:

1. You have taken too long to answer a message (phone, email, or mail).

2. You tried to solve the reader’s problem once and failed; the reader had to ask a second time.

3. A defect in your product injured a customer. Note: For legal reasons, avoid admitting guilt. Check with your legal department before you send a letter.

4. A representative of your company was rude to someone.

5. A defect in your product was of such a nature that the consumer will not be interested in a correction (a cockroach in a jar of peanut butter, a dead mouse in a bottle of beer).

6. A problem in your business operations has cost someone else time, money, and exasperation.

When your reader deserves an apology, put it first in the message. I and we beginnings are appropriate in only a few instances, and apologies are one of them. I’m sorry is an effective way to begin an apology, and when the reader believes that he or she deserves one, it effectively paces the reader’s expectation.

Never try to subordinate an apology by placing it in the middle of a message, and—even more important—never apologize at the end of a message. After you have apologized, explain the situation as best you can, and close in a positive, forward-looking way. See Sample 14 for an illustration of a letter of apology.

• Here is the report you requested.
  
• Here are the brochures you asked for.
  
• The enclosed schedule shows you what I propose for the summer scouting program.

Be sure to emphasize the importance of the enclosure to the reader rather than the mere fact that something is enclosed, which would be obvious in most circumstances.

Not this: Please find enclosed the descriptive brochure . . .
Not this: I am enclosing a brochure . . .

Say this: The enclosed brochure describes . . .

Sample 15 illustrates a typical letter of transmittal. Note: Sales letters transmitting enclosures and letters transmitting resumes are exceptions. In such cases, the enclosure is considered a supplement and referred to late in the letter. For letters of this type see the sections on persuasion.