The First Day

Characters: BOB, bumbling middle-aged teacher; STUDENTS1-4 are college freshmen

Setting: Classroom with desks facing stage L; with a blackboard and table with lectern

BOB

Good morn-

(Trips over his feet, almost falling down. Straightens, red-faced.)

Heavens! Not an auspicious beginning, but a beginning nonetheless.

STUDENT 1

Auspic-what?

STUDENT 2

Can you spell that?

STUDENT 3

Will that be on the test?

BOB

No, auspicious will not be on the test, but Ben Jonson shall be.

(Puts books and papers on the table, which promptly collapses.)

STUDENT 4

Ben Johnson? The runner? I thought this was a lit class.

STUDENT 3

Famous runners? Will they be on the test?

BOB

No, no. Runners will not be on the test. Jonson, the poet, shall be though.

STUDENT 4

He writes poetry, too?

BOB

Listen, please. Let's start over. My name is-

(Walks to chalkboard and begins spelling his name and it breaks.)

Can nothing go right?

STUDENT 3

Will your name be on the test?

BOB

What have I got myself into? Can anything else possibly go wrong!

(Smoke bellows into the classroom and fire alarms blare as lights fade to black.)