Rent-A-Bear

Welcome to Rent-A-Bear, the one place for all your bear-renting needs! Our large assortment of bears will ensure that you find the perfect bear for you. The first section below provides more detail on our bears, including species type, pictures, and specialty. The second section explains our pricing and policies, with a table for easy reading. The third section shows how to place an order, and the last section contains customer testimonials. Use the links below for quick navigation:

1. Meet the bears
2. How much do they cost?
3. Placing an order
4. Customer Testimonials

Meet the bears

Every bear we carry has been trained by our expert bear specialists to ensure you will receive only the highest-quality animal. The training program is held at our facility at an undisclosed location for security reasons. The training session is a rigorous six-week program that tests each bear mentally, physically, and emotionally. Below is an example of our weekly training schedule:

As you can see, the program is intense and produces the best bears available. Graduation rate among participants is around 60%.

The bears offered are brown bears, polar bears, and grizzly bears. Although all the bears receive the same training, we recommend bears based on the task(s) you require. Brown bears are the smallest bear we offer and are usually best for security, reconnaissance, stealth hits, and robberies. Polar bears are the next biggest size we offer and especially useful for transportation, underwater missions, basketball games, and mayhem. Finally, grizzly bears are the largest animal we stock and although have many uses, are best suited for large-scale warfare, mass murder, general destruction, climbing, and personal finance.

How much do they cost?

We offer two options for bear rental: a per-day fee and also a rent-to-buy option. The table below shows our prices:

Placing an order

To place an order, just fill out our simple form below. All we require is your first name, last name, e-mail address, and the task(s) required from your bear. We will respond within 24 hours with our bear recommendation, a price quote, and shipping options. Payment information is not needed until you are ready to order.

Thank you for using Rent-A-Bear!

Customer testimonials

"That grizzly bear sure made quick work of that over-crowded restaurant!" -- Matt Smith

"These bears are absolutely amazing, not only did my brown bear eliminate my ex-wife, it also stole a thirty pack from my neighbor's garage!" -- Timothy Jones

"With the careful tutoring of our polar bear Leslie, my son is now getting straight A's in school! I never thought it was possible!" -- Mary Anderson

"My neighbors recently bought a grizzly bear, and after a few maulings I quickly learned to stop bothering them!" -- Joe Robinson

"An absolute killing machine!" -- Anonymous

"You haven't had a chicken Caesar salad until you've had one made by a polar bear!" -- Ashley